Ceramic to Clay: The mother of a severely brain-injured son searches for authentic healing

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He was underwater for twenty minutes, given CPR and flown to a hospital where his body was kept cool using ice while in a medically induced coma. Except for the age of the child, this story was similar to Adam's. However,when Adam was life-flighted to a trauma center twelve years earlier , they warmed his body and the outcome was that Adam was severely brain injured. Listening to the story with a lump in our throats, we are happy for the fully recovered little boy and sad for our young man.

Ceramic To Clay

Doctors could give the family little assurance that the cooling of the body would work. Obviously, this procedure should be standard in cases of near-drowning. Wishing that "now" was "then", only takes us away from the present. People have many misconceptions about the word "near-drowning.

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Near-drowning does not mean that the person did not drown and that they are fine. Since Adam's accident, we have seen few near-drowning survivors, though we have seen many brain-injured children and young adults.

People often ask if Adam has cerebral palsy because he has contractures at his elbows, wrists, ankles and knees. Basically, it comes down to a lack of oxygen to the brain and the part of the brain that is effected in Adam's case, the basal ganglia , This lack of oxygen often results in a collapse of the musculoskeletal system. The inventor, Leonid Blyum, refers to ABR as the back door to addressing the structural effects of a brain injury One day we were a highly functioning, tightly knit family - two professional parents with two beautiful and active children.

Expectations about parenthood organize our lives, even in childhood. Little girls, for example, are supposed to play with dolls, learn to sew, and help Mom with the dishes, while little boys play with trains, learn sports, and help Dad with the plumbing. Times have changed, and the gender modeling children undergo has loosened up a lot. But when we were small, behavior that fit with what girls are expected to do, or what boys are expected to do, got applauded. We knew when we picked something that wasn't approved for our gender—we got labeled.

As tomboys. Or as sissies. I got very intense, very clear, very verbalized feelings from my mother. I come from a family of four, and my mother was more focused on children than on any other adult as long as I can remember. So it was very much an approved and intimate part of growing up. I remember when my mother was pregnant with my brother and afterward wanting very much to take care of the baby.

And I can even remember the fantasy of him as my baby.

I was six when he was born and really playing out that fantasy, being the little mommy and having a baby. Only instead of baby dolls I had my real live brother. Growing up, women are raised by their mothers to nurture—to become caregivers. Mothers tell their daughters stories of their pregnancies, and how they gave birth.

They tell them stories of their own childhood. In fact, it's more than a message, it's an expectation. Women are raised to live out these expectations. She never gave me any direct messages. She never said a woman's purpose in being born is to procreate. Yet I always felt all those things. And she was a career woman, a very successful one. But she stopped working to raise us. She got a phone call from New York once, offering her a very important job. She turned it down, and I can remember arguing with her. She didn't really have that much caring to do.

The message is clear. Raising children is women's work. According to our mothers, it is our main job in life.

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It harks back to my roots, my origins, that the only reason for getting married is to have children, and certainly the only reason for sex. What do fathers tell their sons? Why don't you get one?

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I thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Do fathers tell their sons anything else? What do mothers tell them? How do men's expectations about children evolve? Men don't talk much about what their fathers—or their mothers—ever said to them about having a family. Men may not think much about having a family, except in general, until it becomes an issue in the relationship. I don't know what I wanted. I didn't really want children that much. I just assumed we would have them.

I've always been an iffy sort of person when it comes to family life.

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The only constraint that I ever put on it was that if I ever had kids I would have more than one. I was an only child and as I grew up I always said to myself, 'Boy, I never want to live in a family like this. And the family life was boring. They were involved with each other, not with me. I really didn't have a vision of having children, not at all.


There wasn't a goal of being a parent. That wasn't there. I didn't really see myself as married and settled down. I have always been more involved in the here and now—how do I cope with whatever is going on—rather than being a planner. Some men do have very strong feelings about having children. And if so, it's usually because the importance of family was spelled out growing up. I like my family. I come from a big family, and we have always been very close.

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  • I would like to have a family. I don't. I just don't envision never having kids, so even the idea of being childless is a very big change. Maybe I would come around to that but it would be like moving to Zimbabwe. It's just something I have never thought of.

    confafollayhotp.ga It would take a lot to convince me to change my mind. What's the upshot of all these messages? Of this minutiae of everyday life social scientists call socialization?